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The First Zoom Thanksgiving Grace

This year we will be breaking tradition and not going around the table to allow each person to say what they are thankful for. Instead of something religious and fantastical, I have a prepared a secular, political Thanksgiving grace and will be muting everyone on this Zoom dinner. Let us first give thanks that, despite nonstop shenanigans, probable Russian interference and the overwhelming stupidity of this country, President Joe Biden did indeed win the election. To my In-Laws, and my Uncle Joe, Aunt Tess and nephew Deron. You lost. Get over it. I am amazed that by your lack of awareness, I and the rest of the family have aged twenty years over the past four. Please stop telling everyone that the voting was rigged. Even if dead people’s ballots were counted I assure you most would have voted for Biden. I pray to God, or whomever you will like, that in 2021 you will find the remote control and switch off FOX News. Mostly, I am very grateful that many of us are still healthy, although my blood pressure and eczema are at an all-time high. This has indeed been a trying time. And this is not exactly how any of us imagined spending Thanksgiving. I will add that it IS a blessing that this year we exercise social distancing, especially after cousin Bill’s Facebook post last week. Even without the pandemic I would not be able to stomach Thanksgiving at Uncle Walt’s this year with all his Trump lawn signs and conspiracy theories regarding China, Hilary and UFOs. I hope you seek the mental health attention you so dearly need. Please don’t tell me you can’t now because of Obamacare or Bidencare or whatever care. I don’t care. I’d like to remind everyone on this Zoom, that mental health is the number one issue in this great, yet disturbed, land of ours. If I thought anyone would wear a mask, I would have planned an intervention by now. Next I want to take advantage of this opportunity to finally respond to things said on Thanksgivings past that I need to get off my chest. When the Pilgrims first landed in America, they did not promise the Indians to drain the swamp. First off, we don’t use the term Indians. They are Native-Americans. I remember as kids you said that the Native Americans helped the Pilgrims grow crops and while the Pilgrims taught the Native Americans lacrosse and how to make Thanksgiving stuffing. “We got along right away...a union has now lasted almost 250 years.” None of that is true. When the Pilgrims first arrived they immediately overstayed their welcome and started hoarding resources and land. The First Thanksgiving was in 1621. But you never hear about the Second Thanksgiving, do you? They were two very different groups of people with different values and belief systems. Not as different as the two groups on this Zoom dinner, but very different. Our relationship with Native Americans by all accounts is a disgrace and should not be celebrated with a holiday, especially at Uncle Walt’s. Not surprising, as this country has never been able to even get along with itself, nevermind anyone who is different from us in any shape or form. We are now in the middle of a second Civil War, only this one has less civility and is slower—instead of hand-to-hand combat, we’re fighting finger-to-finger flame wars on Facebook and Twitter. We went from the North verus the South to Red States versus Blue States. Republicans and Democrats, together, have planted the seeds of resentment and cultivated a nation of division. The only thing we can agree on is we both want what’s best for this country and to uphold the ideals the other political group had been trying so desperately to destroy. I am confidant we will defeat this pandemic (and by pandemic, I mean the Trump administration) and once again play touch football on Uncle Walt’s front lawn, free of campaign signs and snow, thanks to global warming or what he calls ‘Show Biz.’ I look forward to that day as long as I don’t have to be on certain people’s team. At this time, I want to encourage anyone who hasn’t left the meeting yet to now add their thoughts and apologies in the Chat panel located on the right side of your screen. God bless America and let’s eat.
[Remember to now switch on the Yam Cam.]


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